Thursday, December 19, 2013

To Make This Kind of Home…

In the Nursery by Helen Allingham

"It is in her own home—that this warmth of heart and this openness of hand are first to be shown. It is as wife and mother—that her gentleness performs its most sacred ministry. Her hand wipes away the teardrops when there is sorrow. In sickness she is the tender nurse. She bears upon her own heart every burden that weighs upon her husband. No matter how the world goes with him during the day—when he enters his own door he meets the fragrant atmosphere of love. Other friends may forsake him—but she clings to him with unalterable fidelity. When gloom comes down and adversity falls upon him—her faithful eyes look ever into his like two stars of hope shining in the darkness. When his heart is crushed, beneath her smile it gathers itself again into strength, "like a wind-torn flower in the sunshine." "You cannot imagine," wrote De Tocqueville of his wife, "what she is in great trials. Usually so gentle, she then becomes strong and energetic. She watches me without my knowing it; she softens, calms and strengthens me in difficulties which distract me—but leave her serene." An eloquent tribute—but one which thousands of husbands might give."
~ The Family/Homemaking by J. R. Miller

"A gracious woman retaineth honour…"
~ Proverbs 11:16

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband…"
~ Proverbs 12:4


  1. Beautiful!!! Hope you had a lovely visit with your family!

  2. Am wondering if you didn't post this just for me at just this time. I have always believed that to be a keeper at home means for all my married life - not just when the children are small. My husband needs my ministry in the home just as much if not more now that our son is 20 than he ever has.

    I babysit a 2 year old during the day and her mama just found out she is expecting. We live about 20 minutes away in the opposite direction of her work and I feel so sorry for her having to get them both up and out the door next winter then drive almost an hour to work. It exhausts me just thinking about it, let alone the poor little ones! Sooooo...I have been brainstorming and came up with the "perfect" solution!! (Thank Jesus I hadn't told anyone yet!)

    I figured I could be their in-home nanny! I could drive to their house and the babies wouldn't have to be dragged out (especially when they're sick - I HATE that!). Mama would have a much more relaxed morning. My hubby doesn't get up until I wake him for lunch anyway, so he could just get ready for work and eat lunch with us at their house (the father is his nephew) and then go on to work since it is 20 minutes closer to his job than where we live. I could keep their house and do her laundry. She wouldn't have to do anything but play with the babies when she got home! What a GREAT idea!!!!

    So, I've been researching the going rate for nannies in our state off and on all morning. I wouldn't charge near that much since they are family. After I was satisfied that it would be a win-win situation, I decided to check my e-mails. Guess what was the FIRST message? This post. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

    You see, my husband is bi-polar. Just working a full time job (which he has faithfully done every day of our marriage) is monumental if you understand the nature of this disease. Many, many days he has very little to nothing to say to me. He stays in bed until I tell him lunch is ready. He plays a little with the baby. Takes a shower, then goes to work. It would be easy to think it wouldn't matter to him if I was here or not since he's only out of bed about an hour or so before he leaves. Especially since he's getting worse. At best, I'm just here. At worst, I'm the enemy and the source of all his troubles. But I CHOOSE to believe that my presence makes a difference. Even if it is to keep things from being as bad as they could be.

    Just imagine how much more sway satan could have over him if I wasn't a prayerful sanctifying influence to this home environment. If there were no one here during the day, satan would have unimpeded sway and who knows what depths he could drag him to.

    On behalf of my husband, the wonderful man that I only get brief glimpses of once in a while, I thank you. I can't imagine what it is like for him. Then to think I almost abandoned him and left him to deal with it all on his own! He needs me. I am one with him. There is no one on this earth who can intercede for him the way I can. Thank you again!!

    1. Oh my goodness, I will pray for you and your family. You are truly a crown to your husband! May God bless you with strength, endurance, wisdom and a healing for your husband! May His spirit shine upon you and radiate your home. May he keep you in His tender care on those rough days and comfort you in the still of the night...

    2. Thank you, JES. I've been praying for his deliverance for so so long. I just keep repeating to the Lord, "In Your time, in Your way, it will come." I honestly don't know how big of an audience you have, it may be huge for all I know. But what God did through you today in your post and your encouraging reply, was like water to a dying man - truly.

      No one really knows what goes on here, except my son. I have asked advice from a select few older women, but they either said, "I wouldn't put up with that!" or "I have NO idea what you should do." So, the Lord alone has been my guide and kept me here when I wanted to run. And at times, he has used strangers, like yourself, to do just that.

      Never underestimate the eternal value of the 'small' things we do - encouraging words in a blog post, a gentle smile, a whispered prayer for a stranger, clean clothes for our husband, seriously asking opinions of our toddlers. We are doing heavenly work, and it does not go unnoticed by our Father.

    3. God is our Healer. His perfect will is for us to walk in health. Jesus already played the price when He died on the cross for us. If there is willingness, he or you might visit ...His Healing Rooms. It is a powerful effective Christian ministry. Check the internet. It is an international ministry. Blessings

  3. I am not sure what I loved more, Miller's words, or Candi's encouragement (yes, encouragement). Thank you both for reminding me that my husband and his grumpy self need me. He does not have a mental health disorder, just an extremely stressful job.

    1. May your love be a balm to his weary heart… ~~Thank you for sharing as we all have those rough moments and need to encourage one another on our earthly journey...

    2. To an extent, most of the church recognizes the importance of a mother in the home for small children. Motherhood is really appreciated for the most part. But there doesn't seem to be the same regard for being a wife.

      Wives should get out and get a 'job' once the kids start school. No one understands why I have spent all these years here homeschooling my son and I'm STILL here while he's in college. I could be making GOOD money for crying out loud. They really think I'm bluffing when I tell them I don't EVER intend to leave home and get a 'job'!!

      Husbands should just grow up and get over 'needing' anything from their wives, and I don't understand that. It is a one-flesh relationship intended to last until death, whereas motherhood is just for a season. Yes, our husbands DO need us, God Himself says so (Gen. 2:18).

      I foolishly got married a few weeks after turning 18 then divorced him a few years later. I thought just getting married made you a wife - there was no doing it right or wrong, it was just a title that could be changed if you didn't like it anymore. The Lord Jesus saved me 2 years later. I married my second husband seven months after that. I was not aware of what Matt. 5:32 said about remarriage until a few years later. I wept for 2 days when I discovered that. Then I solemnly promised the Lord "Never again. No more divorces. I will be faithful to this marriage until we are parted in death no matter what." It was though I was saying my vows for the very first time, and I had so much to learn.

      Know that your mere presence, if you are a believer, has an effect on the home and on him. Love him, serve him, be all that your position as wife has promised him. Even if he doesn't notice, the Lord God of heaven will smile upon you and you will see with His eyes the beauty of what you're doing.

      I want to include the link to a video if JES approves of it. If not, I respect that. I listen to it often and it renews my strength:

      I promise, I won't take over anymore of this comment section! :) You simply don't know what a blessing from God this whole post has been to me! I'm done now! :)

    3. You are welcome to share here anytime :) I will have to take a look at your link too...

    4. Well, the video has been taken down or something, so here is another link to the same clip:

      Just in case it doesn't work, it is called "God's Glory in Marriage". It is the single most eye-opening teaching on marriage I've ever come across! Hope you enjoy!

  4. Oh to be that wife to my husband of my youth.
    Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage

  5. JES, thank you for sharing this post. It's just beautiful, and I'm sure it will bless all who take the time to read and consider a wife's and mother's place in the home.
    Candi, I'm lifting you and your husband before the Throne of Grace today. May the Lord help you to remain strong and faithfully by your husband's side.

  6. I love your homsteading shares - recipes, canning projects and the photography on your site is amazing. I nominated you for the Sunshine Award on my site

  7. I love your canning information, recipes and the images are amazing - I nominated you for the Sunshine Award on my site

  8. Please allow me to add my thanks and praise for your blog and it's ministering effect in my own life and other women. My husband's late grandmother used to say we all need someone to 'woman with'. In other words someone to talk about these kinds if issues, and to lift each other up in bad times, and to exult with in good times. We all need to be able to ask how to do a task or learn a skill that others may be better at than ourselves. Sometimes we even need someone to listen when we are frustrated and cranky over life's circumstances, and have other women who are not afraid to tell us to 'grow up' at times. This blog is one of my favorite places to find ladies to 'woman with'. May God bless you, and all your ministry, not only to your family, but to us as well.

    1. What beautiful words of encouragement! Thank you so much for sharing this! I couldn't agree more with your grandmother :)

  9. God is our Healer and His perfect will for us is that we walk in health. If your spouse or you are willing, check out the internet to see where the nearest... His Healing Rooms. It is a powerful effective Christian blessings to you sister!


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